When Past Returns to Present

{written by Kat}
warning: lengthy.
[tehehehe twss]

I will never understands the motives of men!

Okay. Maybe I will never understand the trigger of male motives.
Yeah. That sounds way more accurate.

Today I bring you the story of REALLY past, Kinda past and suddenly present combined in the name of Jeremy.

REALLY past:
From middle school to high school, I had many crushes.

Ever hear the song "Flavor of the Week" by American Hi-Fi... Well in my family we use to joke that song was me. Except I was a female with new boyfriends/crushes every week instead of some male assface womanizer.

Amoung the crushes of 6th grade-sophomore year, there was a boy named Jeremy.

Yes, this is his real name.

And I had a super big crush on him. Until I met his older brother. Then I had a super big crush on both.

Seriously, I swooned over Jason at my middle school graduation.

And this crush on Jeremy had an ebb and flow. Some weeks there, some not due some other "hottie."I still find most of those "hotties" still attractive. (At least the then versions of them)
Another thing about Jeremy. He was a popular kid. Even in middle school.

If you think I was 'popular'... um thanks! But only if you count theatre!

Somewhere between 8th grade and sophomore year, I fooled around with Jeremy.

Yeah! I totally did!

The thing is I don't remember how much.
You see once the incident with Nick occurred (my very first kiss in 8th grade), I became a snog-slut. Not because it was good. In fact Nick was awful. Like making out with a dog. But in my heart bean, even then, I knew le french kiss was supposed to be way more epic.

And I was totally right.

So I snogged a LOT more boys.

One day on Twitter there was a discussion as to how many people we've kissed... I did not @reply. Why? Because I really don't know. Like, I am not sure I can ball park... But I digress...

And with the snogging, came the heavy petting.
And as far as Jeremy goes... I have no idea if I only snogged him or if I let him towards my bean.
I've had sex dreams since Day 1 Nick I-have-no-clue-when and I don't know if I had a fantasy about letting Jeremy flick my bean on the roof of Sam's house (coincidentally Nick's much-hotter/taller/skinnier/more rebellious cousin who was my age, then crush and future drug dealer...) or if it actually happened because, well...
I have SHIT for brains. I have an AWFUL memory.

I remember the most random shit, but other things GONE.

So...why tell you about a LOT embarrassing slutiness from my past?
Well...DUH other than because this is a blog about dirty things...


Kinda past:
Thanksgiving is always a Thursday. #fact
Wednesday night is my favorite night to go to Cowboys. #truth
I made sure that when I went home for Thanksgiving, I could be home Wednesday so I could go to Cowboys. And as fate luck would have it, it was practically a high school reunion of one of my crowds... and yet amoung them was, yep, Jeremy.
And Jeremy was SHITFACED! 316 sheets to the wind D-RUNK.
Also Jeremy would not stop eye-raping dancing with me. So I danced with him, flirted slightly and then said good-bye when they all left 95% sure he wouldn't remember seeing me.

suddenly present:
I am driving home from a sleep-over in Denver.
I get a text to my phone from Facebook.
I have 1 message from... right again, Jeremy.

Oh, you know only 2.5 months later.

So when I get home I read:

"Hey how have you been doing?? hopefully good. you should give me your # so I could call you sometime"

um. huh? what? k.

"heya. doin alright. my number is SONOTGOINGTOBEPOSTEDONABLOG still but i am living up in northern colorado which is the classier way to say THEHICKVILLETOWNILIVE (hence the just alright) how about you? what are you up to these days? didn't exactly get a chance to catch up at the club. heh ;o) -Kat "

And then he texted me exactly 23 mins later:

"Hi kat!!! This is jeremy"

I have not texted him back.


THEORIES:

• He has no recollection of seeing me at the club but saw how hot I look on Facebook right now and messaged me.
• He faintly remembers seeing me at the club and saw how hot I look on Facebook right now and messaged me.
• He  remembers seeing me at the club but was embarrassed about how drunk he was but then when he saw how hot I look on Facebook right now he messaged me. 
• ....um.... ? Dude I wrote a blog about this obviously I have no clue...
  

Evidence:

Yeah that is all I got.

What is my next move?
Discuss:

Introducing...

{written by Francesca}

Another Pony Lover. NOT!

I met Carrie via MBP reading, and have fallen in love. I'm married, but the spouse has no interest in sex. I'm a mother of 3 and just keeping my dirty mind hidden from the children is a job in itself! I'm NOT Mormon, I'm NOT Republican, and I'm NOT in Utah. I AM anonymous; I chose Francesca as my nom de plume because Meryl Streep's character in Bridges of Madison County was named Francesca and I identify with her much more of late. All will be revealed later - I keep nothing back as an Anonymous contributor!

My most shocking confession: I am extremely attracted to Tila Tequila. I thought I was 100% straight, but that girl flat does it for me. I have a girl-crush on Dita von Teese but I don't think about having sex with her; I see a picture of Tila and I get horny. I want to bite her nipples (which are always on display, right?). Go figure. People bust on her for being a tramp but what's wrong with that? It means my chances are GOOD!

I love feedback and will ask for opinions so please, comment away! I look forward to sharing more dirty thoughts.

Birthday Suit

{written by: Jurassica}

Twenty-One
Doesn't feel any different, except for the 3 new zits I found on my face this morning, I don't look any different either.. My ex was happy to burst my youthful bubble by reminding me that I no longer have any birthdays to look forward to.. Thanks Asshole, I appreciate it.
So I couldn't sleep last night... Thankfully I was bound and determined to get my room a little more organized before Carrie gets here so I had something to keep me preoccupied. I decided that I would stay up at least until midnight cleaning so that I could sing Happy Birthday to myself... Wasn't as fun as I was anticipating, but it was productive none the less.. As the hours past by and midnight came and went (that's what she said) I could NOT turn my brain off, thoughts kept drifting to the past, good times, when my papa was still here and how special he would make all of my birthdays.. those are the times I will cherish for the rest of my life..
Anyways enough of that, here's what I'm getting at...
This morning started early, I ended up getting 3 whole hours of sleep.. it was rough and annoying to not be able to fall asleep, even with my warm toasty electric blanket cranked up I could not for the life of me turn my brain off! What do I do?! You know you've been there ladies AND gents.. (Again this reminds me of Weeds, Season 5 when Andy is jerking off while Nancy is in bed right next to him.. haha best show of all time!) NATURE'S SLEEPING PILL! Nothing like flicking your bean to fall asleep, be honest and let me know if you've done this, this was not the first time I have flicked it to fall asleep, and let me tell you something, IT WORKS! And there is nothing like a little Birthday Bean Flicking, it was a great way to start/end the day.. I just hope I don't have too many nights like that, I hate laying there for hours with nothing to do and no one to talk to.. Except Flipper of course! ;)

(forgot to post this yesterday)

Everyone's flicking their bean!

{written by: Carrie}

I have a feeling you are in for a TREAT next week!

I go to Colorado this weekend to visit my sweet cheeks Jurassica and job hunt. ALSO Kat and I are meeting in real life! Who would've thought my Blog BFF lives less than an hour from where I'm moving!? Basically kids, dreams do come true.

The three of us will be hitting up the clubs in Denver and I'm sure it'll be a little different than Salt Lake City. At least I won't get kicked out for dressing immodestly. =]

Stay tuned for a 5th anonymous blog author joining our team soon! If you would like to contribute and think you have a great story please shoot me an e-mail! I promise to keep all your personal information confidential if you so desire.

New Years Resolution Numero Uno!

{written by: Jurassica}

Join a blog-

Done & Done.

Well first of all I might as well let the other 2 bloggers, in this now blogging square, know who I am... Jurassica, or Jessica and I am NOT anonymous, though I probably should be as well. I live in Colorado and Carrie B. is one of my besties.. and soon to be roomie.

Though I have been lacking in the blogging world, I love to do it and I figured what the hell Jessica, you have 3 failed blog attempts, yet you never fail to read Carries, go for it, you can do it! Besides that I like to write PLUS my life is like a really sick and twisted movie, and I figure people might want to read about it... AND I need the therapeutic benefits of writing, so I accepted the invite from my beloved Carrie.

Did I mention I like to "Flick my bean", newly divorced and sexually active for nearly 8 years it has become routine for me... his name is Flipper, and our relationship has been pretty solid for the past 6 months.. he doesn't argue with me and I only curse at him when he forgets to change his batteries.. A small chore that I don't mind doing for him, if only he'd warn me.. there's nothing like being hot and ready only to discover that the batteries are dead.. (Side note for any "Weeds" fans out there, ever see that episode right after Judah died and Nancy tried to "Flick her bean" and the batteries were dead?! haha HILARIOUS crosses my mind every time I find myself in the situation) Anyways life is great, and though I am having a bitch fest of a day I have every intention of ending this day on a positive note. Tonight I have a date with my cute 10 year old cousin Anna, we share the same birth week and we are having a celebratory dinner/shopping date! Then tomorrow I wake up 21, that's right tomorrow is the big 2-1! Gonna party like a Rock? Star? Well maybe not but 2 days after that I sure am! Carrie will be here and will begin her adventure in Colorado! I cannot wait the anticipation is KILLING me! Things are looking up at this point at 2010 should prove to be an interesting and prosperous year! The adventures of Carrie & Jurassica will prove to be interesting, this is a promise.

Well I look forward to sharing this blog with the 3 of you and I think that we can all accomplish great things here! Go flick your bean bitches! Adios!

Jurassica

The Discovery

{written by: Kat}

So once again it is past 1am

& I have not properly embraced my pillow...

Nor have I finished editing my 2010 vlog,
nor finished writing my 2009 blog,
nor have I begun my 2010 blog.

And yet here I am.
Mostly because I was surfing a random site
& found this pic:

It made me stop and think.
NO!
It did not make me stop and flick my own bean and think.
But really, I stopped and thought about it.

How many females out there were raised to be afraid of their femininity?
How many females out there have been too afraid to touch themselves there?
How many females out there were told that their 'bean' is only for their husband? Or worse... How many females out there were told if ANYONE were to touch their 'bean' it would mean 'hell'?
Or even worse...
How many females out there (yes even in the dear old US) were rushed to the ER (or kept bleeding and alone) because their culture says no 'bean' because you are subhuman?

There is SO much more to sinning (and not sinning) with your bean than what is commonly known or believed in.

What do I believe?
Well you are here at my our blog...
So I shall tell you.

I believe that God put twice as many nerve endings in our tiny bean as he put in the whole tip of the male's southern pole for a reason.
I believe that a healthy amount of time spent with one's bean is a good thing.
I believe that the next male I let go there is going to have as much respect for my mind and my heart as he does for my bean.
I believe that I am going to do my best to let my daughter know that her own bean is something to be proud of and to take care of. (Yeah, it sounds super uber creepy but I will find a way to make it not...)
I believe in the picture I found.

...What do you believe?


And, no, despite my believing...
I am not going to be having 'Kat'time with my bean.
Well, not tonight anyways... ;o)

What a waste of mascara

{written by: Carrie}

I was really hoping last night was going to be a blast. I was driving from Utah County up to Salt Lake around 10 pm and got a flat tire on Bangeter Highway, that was a good way to start the night. Then my friends picked me up and I left my car sitting in a bank parking lot. Gosh, I hope it's alright. The party was full of douche bags, the Salt Lake City kinda douche bags: guys who think they are way more legit than they are, fat chicks, pregnant chicks, mexican chicks, all talking way too high and way too fast. I only knew about 5 or 6 people there so we all stuck together in the corner.

I got drunk entirely too quickly and could hardly finish a game of pool. Me and a few girl friends were sitting on the couch talking when this guy who looks JUST like my ex walked up. I'm glad my reflexes weren't as sharp as normal or I would have knocked him out. He came over to tell me his cousin thinks I'm really pretty. I smiled and said "thanks" then he asked if he should send her over. "Her"? I asked. My friends found this all too hilarious and told him YES. She came over and really wasn't as butch as I was expecting. Long blond hair, thin, cute little flower in her hair, then she smiled... man I hate to be a bitch but that girl had some buck teeth. haha! not that I was looking to hook up with her, just noticed. I was so uncomfortable I didn't really know what to say to her. She followed me around most of the night or I saw her and her girl friends giggling and staring at me. Finally I sat down next to her on the love sac and said, "Honey, I apologize but I have a boyfriend and I really like to suck his dick." She started laughing and told me she was only bi, just thought I was pretty. She apologized if she freaked me out. We laughed about it and shortly after I think she left. You would've thought I'd be horny enough to take what I could get but I just wasn't feeling it.

To be honest I wasn't horny at all last night! I guess I got it all out of my system with my date with the Quivler Tickler before the party started. I am grateful for this, seeing that I would have most likely regretted hooking up with some low life in the coat closet.

The rest of the night really isn't blog-worthy. Someone found me outside laying in the snow with my face in my own throw up. I guess somewhere in the night I threw up all over the hostess's basket of shoes and felt guilty so I went out on the back porch. Then luckily my friends found me in time to drag my sorry ass home. I remember at one point throwing up outside the window on the freeway, after getting through my door I army crawled the entire flight of stairs up to my shower then passed out in there for another hour or so. Woke up a bit panicked thinking I was drowning, then made it to my bed where I passed out for 14 hours.

And that brings us up to now. Hungover as hell, still smelling a little of throw up, confused and grateful to wake up in my bed. It's a shame this wasn't a more glamourous story. Good news is I may have pushed myself over the edge enough to quit drinking again.

Anyone have a more exciting start of their New Year?