Um, hi.

Kat here.

It has been since April.

I still have no sex life.

One can only complain in so many posts.

My question....

HOLLA if you are still out there?!

Maybe a Warning Label but NOT an Apology

{written by Kat}
I am telling the 10 of you 1 person who actually reads this blog,& I am going to speak for all the PDEO ladies,we are NOT sorry for not posting regularly.Well, at least I'm not sorry I haven't posted regularly.
However I AM sorry I have nothing much to share ever.


Now today is the perfect example of just how much NOTHING I have to write about...
Today I went to see

with Alex O'Loughlin
aka. "Sex on a Stick"
or at least he was for me today.
The movie? It was cute.
But I have been lusting after this Alex for a while...

But seeing as it has been 1 year, 11 months & 16 days since I've been laid...
& I am on my cycle... & I am prone to reactions to walking sexy-ness...

Like this:

I very nearly spontaniously combusted during this scene...

I am going to be the first to admit
O'Loughlin is sexier human than as a vampire.

But I left the movie so FRAKIN horny that I have been watching my Moonlight: The Complete Series nearly non stop since getting home from the movie.

& since my Kat-time has been put on hold due to my "biological" visitor...I am hopin for some REALLY good dreams tonight!xoxo

Men. Are. Idiots.

{written by Kat}

This just happened.

Nick

kat!

10:32pmKat

hi

10:32pmNick

hi

how are you

10:32pmKat

i have a concussion

10:33pmNick

oh really, how did that happen?

10:33pmKat

a guy dropped me on my head on the dance floor last night

10:35pmNick

well then

how you doing

10:35pmKat

in pain

10:35pmNick

i bet, so what is your deal?

whats new

10:36pmKat

trying to get a ride to walmart but everyone on facebook chat is "busy" OR actaully dont have a car

10:37pmNick

well i see

you in greeley

10:37pmKat

yep

10:38pmNick

we ever going to hang out again?

10:41pmKat

dunno

prolly not the best time to ask me

I sign off Facebook chat.

then

txt:  "why is now not the best time?" 11:01pm


reply: "Do you want the truth or do you want to back off now while you still can and say 'feel better'?" 11:03pm

txt: "truth" 11:05pm

reply: "Because i am in a fucking shit ton of pain and if i wasn't you don't ever want anything real from me other than to 'hangout' and if you did we don't live in the same city and if we did you haven't shown my any reason why I should trust you since trust is huge for me

" 11:09pm

txt: "ok then!" 11:13pm

txt: "ok, so what i can't want To hang out with you? and why have i ever given you a reason not To trust me?' 11:16pm

reply: "Seriously? Look at you right now. You are offended that I don't want to nurture a friendship right now where a Friend would ask or say 'sorry. let me know if i can do anything'" 11:18pm

txt: "Hey, i am not offended one bit. i don't think We are good friends or anything." 11:20pm

reply: "Well i don't know how you can let a friendship grow without trust so I think you are completely missing the point.  Good night." 11:24pm

Really? I mean REALLY!?

Who fucks with a woman who gave you fair warning?

I am ready to be un-concussed & throbbing in pain, un-cramped & bleeding, and un-single & etc.

Wasted Wednesday...

{Written by Kat}

Last Wednesday I got D-runk.
It was the first time I had drank that much in about a year and a half!

Since I don't have very many good drunk stories,

I thought you might want me to share the night timeline with you!

It all started here:
8:05 PM Hello Beautiful =]

because I do LOVE me some quality tequila!

8:25 PM Some random guy here bought us a shot of top shelf tequila #Laurenrocks
8:33 PM It's official! I'm getting drunk tonight! #thisisararephenomenon

then we left the Palomino for Whiskey River bar

9:49 Broken #drunkypantscodewords
10:09 PM Apparently i'm a 'lush' tonight... & i'm okay with it! #drunktweet
10:11 PM Regreting tossing my water into the snow 10mins ago... Oops
10:14 PM 2 margs, 1 top shelf tequila shot, 1 tequila sunrise, 1 rumpunch & 2 ninja turtles!

RE @alexandriacadyh asking me how much I had so far

10:15 PM You are jealous of my #drunktweet skillz

RE @MormonBachPad: at least you're not slurring your typing, yet?

10:17 PM I'm on to h2o after this... At least for 30mins...

RE @alexandriacadyh asking me how much I had so far

then I got a lil flirtatious with @MormonBachPad:
Calvin: You should have a spotter. I'm on my way, Kat.
Me: You wish.
Calvin: Yes. Yes, I do
Me: I quote you on that
Calvin: As long as you do awesome air quotes.
Me: 'awesome air quotes' just for you
Calvin: I so want you right now.
Me:Yet you are Mormon and i'm in Colorado... Sucks to be you...
Calvin: It sucks to be me at least 4 days a week.
Me: and about the other 3?

Regular Tweet break: 10:49 PM Drunk tweeting at the bar is classic... #success 

Calvin: I'm pretty content the other 3.

-this is where I forget what we were tweeting about-

Me: but what does that mean?! Ugh... You have to remember my liquor content... Lol

(which was 2 more rum and punches)

Final round up:

11:26 PM Dear @BittenUsagi @alexandriacadyh & @MormonBachPad- i'm losing focus... Lol but also sorry ha!
11:51 PM D-runk is what I am #holycrap
12:14 AM I may or may not be being naughty right now -[I was flirting with an ex-friends ex-boyfriend, oops]
12:30 AM I can't believe myself... I haven't been like this in a year and a half!
12:42 AM Tonight's gunna be a bad night and a good night
12:50 AM First time being like this it a year and a half.... Accomplishment or not? #drunktweets1:14 AM People are so effin lame... But I insist on a great time #tipsytweets1:48 AM I apologise for my #drunkentweets tonight (Kinda) 2:05 AM Ridonkulous... I shall be embarrassed in the morning... 
2:11 AM Efffffph lol
2:13 AM fyi Lauren is BOMB.com & i love her 

After that we went home to Lauren's house.
Ate fruit loops.
A cute boy came over to chill.
Lauren & cute boy took her room.
I happily took the couch.
3am- I wake and run to bathroom
3:30- I run back to the backroom
4am- After round 3 in bathroom I fall asleep.

In the morning I woke to:
MormonBachPad: How are you feeling this morning? You sent me some pretty crazy texts that you probably don't even remember sending. 10:16 AM
alexandriacadyh:How are you feeling lovey doll? 11:00 AM

So I sent out:
"Helllo TweetWorld... Yes I'm alive. yes I remember everything... ha!"

It was a crazy night. It was totally worth the 24hr hangover, heh.
& I was told how funny it was to follow me on Twitter that night.
So I hope ya'll had fun reading... It will probably be a while before I get that drunk again. Ha.

xoxo Kat

I have no [sex] life...

{Written by Kat}

At the moment... I really don't.
The men in this town are ugh... just ugh.
(With the excepting of "Grant" my Catholic boy crush)
And as far as pulling out my B.O.B. for a little release... I haven't lately.

So, I have been hangin out on the interwebs...
& *gasp* went on to mySpace!!!

There I found what mySpace is good for:
The Adult Survey

1. Ever been to a male strip club? 

No, but I'd love to go to Vegas and see the Auzzie boys!

2. Ever been to a female strip club?

Actually no... I have told a few boys I'd take them when they got old enough though, heh

3. Ever been to a bar?

That would be a yes.

4. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?

Thankfully no.

5. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?

Ha! Yes, from the top floor of the dorms down to my room on the first floor freshman year... Never eat popcorn before a night of drinking, IT'S NOT GOOD COMING BACK UP!

6. Ever been so drunk you blacked out?

I faded in an out of the ride down the hall and elevator in #5.

7. Kissed someone of the same sex (no relatives):

Yep. Girls are usually pretty good kissers too.

8. Had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period?

Nope, this is where I get all prude-y.

9. Had sex in a car?

Check.

10. Had sex in a park?

Nope.

11. Had sex in a movie theater?

Nope, but I'd prolly get fired if I tried at work! ;o)

12. Had sex in a bathroom?

Check: Showers can be fun!

13. Had sex in a school?

That would be where I lost my V-card.

14. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?

Please! I went the day I turned 18!

15. Have you ever purchased items from adult store?

Yes, ma'am sir reader!

16. Have you spent over $100.00 in one visit to the adult store?

Yeah, at Cathy's (Bitten Usagi)! LOL!

17. Is there something you wish you could do while having sex?

I've thought about restraints before...

18. Is there someone you wished you would have had sex with?

Who would I... Absolutely!

19. Ever given oral sex or received?

Check & check =D

20. Have you ever had a threesome?

Not yet...

21[a]. (GIRLS) Are your breasts real?

Yep and so are my back pains.

21[b]. (GUYS)Have you ever used viagra (or anything like it)?

n/a

22. Would you rather give or receive oral sex?

Give depends... but mostly give.

23. Have you ever kissed a stranger?

Welcome to my teen years/college youth.

24. Have you ever had a one night stand?

Only one.

25. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

When I am in love, I'll take all of the above please!

26. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

Nope. But I have for fun =]

27. Do you watch/read pornography?

I have... ;o)

28. Have you ever been caught having sex?

With my first partner, almost.

29. Have you ever had sex at work?

Close, we were walked in on during the pre-game stage

30. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

Nope. I don't trust anyone enough to give them that.

31. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

I have been close a few times...  But never out loud.

32. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

As in orgy? Nope. As in polygamous? Nope.
Sometimes I'm a bit prude...

33. Where is the craziest place you have had sex?

In a bed where someone else was sleeping too...

34. What is your favorite position?

Honestly, depends on the partner...
Sometimes it IS the motion of the ocean.

35. Who is your naughtiness dream fuck?

Probably Tommy Lee... But the amount of possible STDs practically scares me sterile!

Well that was fun...

Now where is my B.O.B.!

I may be unique in the Orgasm world..

{Written by Kat}

Before I get to my post...

Dear 10 Followers,

So SORRY for neglecting you.

We do love you!
We are busy and have lives

but it doesn't mean we love you less!

Personally I only blog when inspired like tonight...

so here is my blog>>>

I was reading MormonBachPad the guilty pleasure that it is and in the comments of this post was a line that well I guess inspired? me...

"You can't orgasm from a persons sweet personality."

I do find this to be true. One must have a naughty personality!

BUT for me, personally, I cannot rarely orgasm without trust.

This could be what Carrie meant when she wrote:

"sorry Kat you may want to stop reading.." in this post.

I think she wrote that because if you read that post, you would be well educated on that woman's orgasm history. And God blessed her. I promise I am not jealous
but in that same post she said:

"But by then I had learned how to unattach emotionally and just enjoy sex for what it is"

I have never been able to do that. Not when it comes (tehehe, #clearlyiamverymature) to cumming or orgasming.

To date only 2 men have been able to bring me to the full Niagara release complete with after-pleasure-shock-waves a totally of 3 times. Ever.

For me it all leads to a point of LETTING GO so that I can Let Go.
When I am getting rev'd up by a man and it begins the climax to a climax, I won't, unless I consciously decide to. And what is the magic conscious decision maker for me?

trust

It actually effects me when I am having Kat-time with my bean too..
I have to get myself to that same point and then decide to Let Go. I don't know if it is necessarily trust there too (like trust in myself or something) but what ever it is, I always have to decide to Let Go to get out of my head.

It sucks. But then there are times where I surprise myself. Or rather there have been 2 times.

The first surprise was with my first love Kevin. (yes, his real name)

And actually it is how I figured out he was my first true love.

It was the night we celebrated our 1yr together (a few days after since I was home visiting from my freshman year at college) We held out playing computer games for about 45mins until his mom left and then he had me pinned up against the wall a mere foot away with my pants down so FAST. I'm getting the Tingles below just thinking about it. It was so kinky and nerdy and intimate and primal all rolled into one, it took me by surprise, I didn't have time to put the mental blockers up. (Normal mental blockers say GRAB A CONDOM! Mine say GRAB A CONDOM and DO YOU TRUST HIM?)
And the craziest part, it was via hand. Another reason my blockers weren't up. I had no idea then that one could be brought to full fledged orgasm via bean-flicking! SURPRISE!
It was an hour later after he carried me to the bed for more fun, less clothes and great sex...

that he gave me my first claddagh ring and I realized I loved him.

I still wear that ring to this day, only on my right ring finger.

The second surprise has less fun, more naughty and was

last night with my Endless Pleasure!

[There is a reason that Bitten Usagi and I are such good friends! ;o) No we aren't lesbian lovahs! I bet her hubs would LOOOOVE that!! haha no she is my supplier! Good times!]
Anywho...
Last night I couldn't sleep much like tonight and I decided it was some Kat-time.
I found a little visual stimulation and well SURPRISE!

Which brings me to my question(s)

Have you ever watched porn?
& why or why not?

xoxo Kat

When Did I Lose "IT"...?

{Written by Kat}

First I must quote:
"Anyone who has ever had the "who did you lose your virginity to" conversation with me knows that I immediately launch into a "what do you consider losing your virginity" rant of sorts."
- Bitten Usagi

I feel the same way.

Except

I am actually going to rant blog about it.

My argument:

Sexual Intercourse vs. SEX!

The facts:

Both occurred with Josh May.

Yes, that is his real name. Stalk him if you must. I don't care. {obvi!}

Both occurred when I was 15.

I loved him.

I also didn't know what real love was.

Did I mention I was 15?

My first act of Sexual Intercourse: 

Wednesday before prom...

As I remember it, I had spent most of the night with Josh. His dad and stepmom had been gone the whole time but could have come home any minute. It was probably between 8-9pm because it was dark, we had already had dinner, and his parents came home 30mins later.
He had told me to pack my swimsuit after diving practice when he picked me up. So when he suggested we use the hot tub, I had been prepared.
As a couple we were not strangers to fooling around. (But we also had never gone down on each other yet.) Naturally after some small talk, the hot tub heat got to us and we started fooling around.
I remember the next part so vividly that my legs are starting to tingle from the heat of the water...
My back was to the house and the light from inside bounced off his eyes.
I remember the look in his eyes when he asked me to be his first.
His eyes looked as nervous as I felt. I said yes.
He pulled my suit to the side and put himself inside of me.
This is where I gasped with anticipation. Not pleasure.
He pulled back and fell out. He replaced himself an pulled me down again.
And I started to cry.
Anti-climactic, eh? I explained to him that I just wasn't ready yet.

My first act of Sex: 

Monday, after prom...

Yep. I held out until after prom.
And this is also where I consider my virginity being lost.
 You first will want to know where. Well *deep breathe*...it was at school.
The theatre building, left balcony to be exact.
You see we where both theatre kids. He an actor, I a techie.
All we did was fabricate a Drama Club meeting and I didn't have to be home for an extra hour.
Being the crafty, sneaking beyotch that I am, I kept the balcony door from locking during Theatre Tech earlier, and BAM we had somewhere I could re-seduce my boyfriend into giving it up to me. Had I planned to do IT then? No. But it ended up happening anyway.
We climbed the steps with our tongues in each others' mouths... We picked the left balcony to make out because it would hide us better if someone came up the steps or onto the stage.
After a bit it go hot and heavy and he asked me again if I was ready or else we needed to stop.
This time I said yes.
So there on the cold cement floor, with the condom I later found out was supposed to be used at prom, I lost my virginity.

Now, before I let you all debate on where/when I lost my virginity...

I have to explain something.

It didn't hurt. Well my back hurt later seeing as the floor was solid cement.

I meant that when Josh's amazing penis entered and thrusted until climax, it didn't hurt.

At all.

And there is no chance in hell that he 'popped my cherry' in the hot tub. I promise you that my cherry was not intact prior to the hot tub.

But that is a different story for a different blog.

So readers,
when did I lose "IT"
?

Wanted: A Throbbing Member ASAP

{written by Kat}

So as I type this Carrie has told us that our first reader-voted topic is "how we lost our virginity" AND I am simultaneously watching VH1 News: The New Virginity...
But I can't focus enough to recap my first time(s).
& I am FAR to horny to go reminisce right now, which I'll get to.

Right now, I am just going to talk about
The Penis.

and also how bad I need to get some!

I have been having a sexual week:
I haven't had Kat-time with my bean area this week due to my monthly duties.
I hosted a sex toy Slumber Party by BittenUsagi Cathy.
and then tonight I come home from GIRLS ONLY only so see...
this post from Jake of MBP
&
this post from our Carrie* on her blog.

!!!

My reaction to Jake's post:

"We moved from the couch to the floor, and I was on top of her... kissing her. I find that when I am on top she is less likely to initiate dry humping. During our make out, right there in Calvin's basement she reached her hand down the front of my pants.
[...] This is the first time that a member of the opposite sex has touched me there, skin to skin. It was shocking and exciting... and I wanted so badly to act on what I was feeling. However,"

!!!
However?! HOWEVER?!
Dear Jake,
I started to read the comments that your Mormon support team fangirls followers and I could not bear to post my impure thoughts in your comments.
But here on our blog, I can and shall be honest.
I wanted to hear about your penis. I wanted to read how it throbbed under this new touch. I wanted to read about how Sanders changed your life via HJ.
I also wanted to shank Sanders and take her place. And trust, had teleportation been possible combined with my level of pent-up horny-ness, it is very likely I would have raped you.
Moral of this letter:
I need to get laid.
Facts of this letter:
I'm committed to my 'no sex outside of love' vow.
I am so FUCKING single it's not even funny.
I am still having my monthly duty and won't be able to release for at least another 24hrs.
I shall pray that you never mention your penis while I am horny again.
I need to get laid.
I won't get laid anytime soon.
FML.

My reaction(s) to Carrie's post:
Part 1: "I'm going to call him David because no joke, he looks just like David Beckham. ... He was ripped and had those sexy hip bones that stuck out and framed his perfectly chiseled abs."
Part 2: "I would wake up with bruises and sore as hell from him throwing me around, don't get me wrong, I loved every second of it."

Part 1- DAYUM! and also DAAAAAMN!
*wipes drool from mouth and goes to change panties*
[Only 50% of that was a joke^]
Part 2- I miss rough and tumble fun.
I miss my vibrator. Damn it.
*grumble, grumble*
Dear Carrie,
I am sorry but I might have to avoid your posts until...?
Moral of this letter:
Why the fuck do WE have to bear children and deal with nature?!
Facts of this letter:
I need to have Kat-time with my bean.
Or get laid.
I won't get laid anytime soon.
Damn period.
FML.

This post

is all over

the place!

Seriously, I am just so sexually frustrated right now,
even though I can't think straight, I just needed to vent.
I'm also pretty sure it didn't help.

OH!
PLUS!
I am always super prone to being horny while on my period and as my luck would have it I worked with Grant today... If you don't know from my Tweets, Grant is the guy at work that I have been trying not to rape for the last 8 months.
Can we say it together now?
FML!

When Past Returns to Present

{written by Kat}
warning: lengthy.
[tehehehe twss]

I will never understands the motives of men!

Okay. Maybe I will never understand the trigger of male motives.
Yeah. That sounds way more accurate.

Today I bring you the story of REALLY past, Kinda past and suddenly present combined in the name of Jeremy.

REALLY past:
From middle school to high school, I had many crushes.

Ever hear the song "Flavor of the Week" by American Hi-Fi... Well in my family we use to joke that song was me. Except I was a female with new boyfriends/crushes every week instead of some male assface womanizer.

Amoung the crushes of 6th grade-sophomore year, there was a boy named Jeremy.

Yes, this is his real name.

And I had a super big crush on him. Until I met his older brother. Then I had a super big crush on both.

Seriously, I swooned over Jason at my middle school graduation.

And this crush on Jeremy had an ebb and flow. Some weeks there, some not due some other "hottie."I still find most of those "hotties" still attractive. (At least the then versions of them)
Another thing about Jeremy. He was a popular kid. Even in middle school.

If you think I was 'popular'... um thanks! But only if you count theatre!

Somewhere between 8th grade and sophomore year, I fooled around with Jeremy.

Yeah! I totally did!

The thing is I don't remember how much.
You see once the incident with Nick occurred (my very first kiss in 8th grade), I became a snog-slut. Not because it was good. In fact Nick was awful. Like making out with a dog. But in my heart bean, even then, I knew le french kiss was supposed to be way more epic.

And I was totally right.

So I snogged a LOT more boys.

One day on Twitter there was a discussion as to how many people we've kissed... I did not @reply. Why? Because I really don't know. Like, I am not sure I can ball park... But I digress...

And with the snogging, came the heavy petting.
And as far as Jeremy goes... I have no idea if I only snogged him or if I let him towards my bean.
I've had sex dreams since Day 1 Nick I-have-no-clue-when and I don't know if I had a fantasy about letting Jeremy flick my bean on the roof of Sam's house (coincidentally Nick's much-hotter/taller/skinnier/more rebellious cousin who was my age, then crush and future drug dealer...) or if it actually happened because, well...
I have SHIT for brains. I have an AWFUL memory.

I remember the most random shit, but other things GONE.

So...why tell you about a LOT embarrassing slutiness from my past?
Well...DUH other than because this is a blog about dirty things...


Kinda past:
Thanksgiving is always a Thursday. #fact
Wednesday night is my favorite night to go to Cowboys. #truth
I made sure that when I went home for Thanksgiving, I could be home Wednesday so I could go to Cowboys. And as fate luck would have it, it was practically a high school reunion of one of my crowds... and yet amoung them was, yep, Jeremy.
And Jeremy was SHITFACED! 316 sheets to the wind D-RUNK.
Also Jeremy would not stop eye-raping dancing with me. So I danced with him, flirted slightly and then said good-bye when they all left 95% sure he wouldn't remember seeing me.

suddenly present:
I am driving home from a sleep-over in Denver.
I get a text to my phone from Facebook.
I have 1 message from... right again, Jeremy.

Oh, you know only 2.5 months later.

So when I get home I read:

"Hey how have you been doing?? hopefully good. you should give me your # so I could call you sometime"

um. huh? what? k.

"heya. doin alright. my number is SONOTGOINGTOBEPOSTEDONABLOG still but i am living up in northern colorado which is the classier way to say THEHICKVILLETOWNILIVE (hence the just alright) how about you? what are you up to these days? didn't exactly get a chance to catch up at the club. heh ;o) -Kat "

And then he texted me exactly 23 mins later:

"Hi kat!!! This is jeremy"

I have not texted him back.


THEORIES:

• He has no recollection of seeing me at the club but saw how hot I look on Facebook right now and messaged me.
• He faintly remembers seeing me at the club and saw how hot I look on Facebook right now and messaged me.
• He  remembers seeing me at the club but was embarrassed about how drunk he was but then when he saw how hot I look on Facebook right now he messaged me. 
• ....um.... ? Dude I wrote a blog about this obviously I have no clue...
  

Evidence:

Yeah that is all I got.

What is my next move?
Discuss: