what have I gotten myself into...

{Written by Alexandria}

You can call me Alex or Alexandria, I will respond to either. Like Kat, I am also not anonymous. Although, I now wish I was because I would probably be more comfortable blogging anonymously about ponies and their lack of helping one achieve orgasm.

Are you all wondering how this blog came to be? Well Ms. Carrie already mansplained it for you. Via twitter I almost killed over from laughter when she explained to Sam that she is not thinking about ponies while flicking the bean. So of course, I added my two cents and created one of my all time favorite hash tags #poniesdonotequalorgasm. Legit, right? Yep, it is.

So Kat and I have been blog pals for a bit now (I frequently puma out over her younger brother), and Carrie* is new in my life but I already think she is all kinds of honest and hilarious! She is the Carrie to my Miranda...um Kat? Which one are you? This is crucial to our blogland trio!

I am not quite as open or interesting as my two cohorts. Am I a virgin? Nope. Have I slept with more than one person? Nope. Have I been celibate for over four years? Yes I have. Am I proud of that fact? You bet your sweet booty I am. Do I read Twilight word porn? I do...and I am VERY ashamed of that (click that link you know that you want to).

What can you expect from me? I am not sure yet...but I am hoping it will be full of pure awesome. I am also looking forward to being the most reserved in a group of people...because that is something I have NEVER had happen. I do realize I may be a snoozefest...but hey I am a little shy so just love me through it y'all.

Also, if you are easily offended...don't let the door hit ya on the way out. Leave your self-righteous attitudes at home...I do know that none of us will take kindly to judgement.

xoxo

Everybody have FUN tonight!

[written by: Carrie}

I don't know if it's the bitter cold weather, the fact that I hit my year mark of remaining abstinent, or the fact that I've been spending more time with Mary Jane lately, but I'm always fucking horny! I used to masturbate a couple times a month, but it's become a necessity to step that number up to every other day! I see a hot guy, *BAM* horny. Watch True Blood *BAM* horny. Think about David Beckham naked? *BAM* horny! Sometimes it's hard getting through long shifts at work, riding in bumpy cars, or being around extremely attractive men for too long. I start envisioning them with their clothes off, wondering if they are wild in bed, or if they have a good sized dick. 

I haven't always been this girl! But it's like I was a bomb shell about to go off and once winter hit I exploded! I was sexually active from 17-21 and I only loved one of the men I slept with. I started to feel sick, like a piece of my soul was ripped out each time I gave myself to someone else. I am the first to say sex is a BEAUTIFUL thing, but I believe it's something sacred you should share with someone you love. I have definitely regained a lot of self-esteem and confidence in the past year with remaining abstinent, but how much longer can I go on like this? I haven't found "the one" yet, nor do I expect to anytime soon! So how much longer can I go before I rape random men in dark rooms? How long will the vibrator suffice? 

THIS IS TRULY THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

(K so some kids in Africa are hungry, and there's like this war going on and stuff, but let's focus on ME!)

Tonight is New Year's Eve and I have absoFUCKINGlutely no "special someone" in my life besides a twitter crush whom I wish wasn't working a 24 hour shift! ;) ;) I'm hitting up a party in Salt Lake that I pray has an extra good looking single man for me to smooch at midnight. Because common' it's the end of another year, but does anything really matter besides getting that kiss? Let's be honest. All you "seriously so blessed" happy married couples probably laugh and think, "Wow, I'm glad I have serious problems to face" but guess what?! I can kiss 6 men tonight if I want and I have no one to report to! (OK so that wasn't an actual offense because I'd so rather be you sometimes)

This party I'm going to even has a stripper pole! haha ya, that's right. It's some rich bitch's house who I'll admit, is damn fine with her hair extensions and fake boobs. So if anything, I get a lil' free lesbian entertainment. 

Happy New Year everyone! Go be crazy, I give you permission. 

Xoxo,

Carrie

Who Is KatOfDiamonds?

Hello reader,
My name is Kat, short for KatOfDiamonds, and I am:

Not anonymous.
(But I totally voted that Carrie* stay anon for now)

Non-denominational Christian, NOT Catholic. heh.
Nor am I Mormon.

Very opinionated.

I do believe in God...

...as much as I believe in Mother Earth.

oh.
and...

I like naughty things!!!

& I won't apologize for it!

I cannot wait to start blogging about the naughty here!

Good times!

-Kat

ps. If you take issue with women un-censoring themselves and speaking their minds... Feel free to not return to our blog!

kthxbye!

Inspiration

{written by: Carrie}

It goes a little something like this:
My name is Carrie, I am author of the blog: No Sex In Utah County. I'm a cynical bitch who desperately wants to believe in love but has had no proof to lean on. I'm an inactive member of the LDS church and living in Utah County is not the easiest place to build a testimony. I have a hard time following the "rules" to say the least.

One day my dear friend Sam and I were discussing what it's going to take for me to get to the temple. Needless to say, I need to work out about 8 of the 10 qualifications. I became curious as to if masturbation counted as breaking the law of chastity. While I have remained abstinent the past 450 days, it is somewhat physically impossible for me not to take care of those horny nights myself. I mean, what do you expect when a girl is used to having sex for 3 years then decides to stop cold turkey?

So when I read the line, "Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions" I figured, I'm screwed.

It's not like I'm exactly thinking of ponies when I pleasure myself.

and thus our story begins. 

dirty girls with dirty minds

I'm tired of being told women should be classy and ladylike and not talk about how horny they are or how AMAZING that orgasm was last night. I say it like it is, think of this as a little peak inside a woman's brain. The girls out there who tell me they never masturbate are either a) lying or b) missing out. Live your life a little ladies! Tickle your bean!

XoXo,

Carrie