Wanted: A Throbbing Member ASAP

{written by Kat}

So as I type this Carrie has told us that our first reader-voted topic is "how we lost our virginity" AND I am simultaneously watching VH1 News: The New Virginity...
But I can't focus enough to recap my first time(s).
& I am FAR to horny to go reminisce right now, which I'll get to.

Right now, I am just going to talk about
The Penis.

and also how bad I need to get some!

I have been having a sexual week:
I haven't had Kat-time with my bean area this week due to my monthly duties.
I hosted a sex toy Slumber Party by BittenUsagi Cathy.
and then tonight I come home from GIRLS ONLY only so see...
this post from Jake of MBP
&
this post from our Carrie* on her blog.

!!!

My reaction to Jake's post:

"We moved from the couch to the floor, and I was on top of her... kissing her. I find that when I am on top she is less likely to initiate dry humping. During our make out, right there in Calvin's basement she reached her hand down the front of my pants.
[...] This is the first time that a member of the opposite sex has touched me there, skin to skin. It was shocking and exciting... and I wanted so badly to act on what I was feeling. However,"

!!!
However?! HOWEVER?!
Dear Jake,
I started to read the comments that your Mormon support team fangirls followers and I could not bear to post my impure thoughts in your comments.
But here on our blog, I can and shall be honest.
I wanted to hear about your penis. I wanted to read how it throbbed under this new touch. I wanted to read about how Sanders changed your life via HJ.
I also wanted to shank Sanders and take her place. And trust, had teleportation been possible combined with my level of pent-up horny-ness, it is very likely I would have raped you.
Moral of this letter:
I need to get laid.
Facts of this letter:
I'm committed to my 'no sex outside of love' vow.
I am so FUCKING single it's not even funny.
I am still having my monthly duty and won't be able to release for at least another 24hrs.
I shall pray that you never mention your penis while I am horny again.
I need to get laid.
I won't get laid anytime soon.
FML.

My reaction(s) to Carrie's post:
Part 1: "I'm going to call him David because no joke, he looks just like David Beckham. ... He was ripped and had those sexy hip bones that stuck out and framed his perfectly chiseled abs."
Part 2: "I would wake up with bruises and sore as hell from him throwing me around, don't get me wrong, I loved every second of it."

Part 1- DAYUM! and also DAAAAAMN!
*wipes drool from mouth and goes to change panties*
[Only 50% of that was a joke^]
Part 2- I miss rough and tumble fun.
I miss my vibrator. Damn it.
*grumble, grumble*
Dear Carrie,
I am sorry but I might have to avoid your posts until...?
Moral of this letter:
Why the fuck do WE have to bear children and deal with nature?!
Facts of this letter:
I need to have Kat-time with my bean.
Or get laid.
I won't get laid anytime soon.
Damn period.
FML.

This post

is all over

the place!

Seriously, I am just so sexually frustrated right now,
even though I can't think straight, I just needed to vent.
I'm also pretty sure it didn't help.

OH!
PLUS!
I am always super prone to being horny while on my period and as my luck would have it I worked with Grant today... If you don't know from my Tweets, Grant is the guy at work that I have been trying not to rape for the last 8 months.
Can we say it together now?
FML!

Everybody have FUN tonight!

[written by: Carrie}

I don't know if it's the bitter cold weather, the fact that I hit my year mark of remaining abstinent, or the fact that I've been spending more time with Mary Jane lately, but I'm always fucking horny! I used to masturbate a couple times a month, but it's become a necessity to step that number up to every other day! I see a hot guy, *BAM* horny. Watch True Blood *BAM* horny. Think about David Beckham naked? *BAM* horny! Sometimes it's hard getting through long shifts at work, riding in bumpy cars, or being around extremely attractive men for too long. I start envisioning them with their clothes off, wondering if they are wild in bed, or if they have a good sized dick. 

I haven't always been this girl! But it's like I was a bomb shell about to go off and once winter hit I exploded! I was sexually active from 17-21 and I only loved one of the men I slept with. I started to feel sick, like a piece of my soul was ripped out each time I gave myself to someone else. I am the first to say sex is a BEAUTIFUL thing, but I believe it's something sacred you should share with someone you love. I have definitely regained a lot of self-esteem and confidence in the past year with remaining abstinent, but how much longer can I go on like this? I haven't found "the one" yet, nor do I expect to anytime soon! So how much longer can I go before I rape random men in dark rooms? How long will the vibrator suffice? 

THIS IS TRULY THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

(K so some kids in Africa are hungry, and there's like this war going on and stuff, but let's focus on ME!)

Tonight is New Year's Eve and I have absoFUCKINGlutely no "special someone" in my life besides a twitter crush whom I wish wasn't working a 24 hour shift! ;) ;) I'm hitting up a party in Salt Lake that I pray has an extra good looking single man for me to smooch at midnight. Because common' it's the end of another year, but does anything really matter besides getting that kiss? Let's be honest. All you "seriously so blessed" happy married couples probably laugh and think, "Wow, I'm glad I have serious problems to face" but guess what?! I can kiss 6 men tonight if I want and I have no one to report to! (OK so that wasn't an actual offense because I'd so rather be you sometimes)

This party I'm going to even has a stripper pole! haha ya, that's right. It's some rich bitch's house who I'll admit, is damn fine with her hair extensions and fake boobs. So if anything, I get a lil' free lesbian entertainment. 

Happy New Year everyone! Go be crazy, I give you permission. 

Xoxo,

Carrie