Let's start with masturbation

{Written by: Francesca}

It's as good a place as any.

You might expect us dirty-minded sex-obsessed bloggers to say Everybody Does It, and if you say you don't we know You're Lying. However, I am evidence of the contrary.

When I was younger, I was a complete dud at masturbation. Frankly, I didn't even try, because it required a degree of coordination I did not possess. Get worked up and bothered? Yes. Once I tried to continue past that point, it was simply an exercise in frustration. So why get bothered?

As a sexually active adult, I learned to reach down and help things out if I sensed my partner wasn't going to last long enough; a little manual stimulation and I could prevent frustration most of the time.

[Shit. I'm talking like an intellectual instead of
a dirty girl who wants to grab Tila every time she sees that picture...
Let me try that last paragraph again.]

So, once I started having regular sex (woohoo!), I found that sometimes the guy was a little too quick to finish. So I reached down and FLICKED IT! before he ran out of juice (which REALLY can be taken multiple ways), and usually got off before it was too late. But that's as far as it ever went.

Until the OM entered the picture. Oh, my God, I drool over him. He's hot, hard, ready to go, thinks I'm sexy, and will talk dirty to me any time I ask.

[Unless he's home with the wife and kids. ]

He can go all night, and if I ever get REAL sex with him again, neither of us will walk properly for a week. Will you pray to the Goddess with me that this happens SOON?

Ahem. Let me try not to get my desk chair TOO sloppy this early in the day.

So this is how it all happened: Once upon a time, I met this guy. He was H-O-T hot. Just about perfect for me. We spent the summer thinking about it and TWO DAYS in hot sex - on the floor, on the ceiling, continuous, fabulous, shaking-just-remembering-it sex.

But the timing was wrong. We went our separate ways geographically after the summer. We talked on the phone a lot, but surprisingly, not about sex; we became better friends. I met DH. Time passed. We talked less. He had some really wild times with many women, and eventually got married. And we each have 3 kids.

Almost 20 years passed. About 6 months ago I sent him a friend request on facebook.

[Please, no anti-facebook comments. Facebook facilitates
the immoral activities of many; it is NOT the CAUSE!]

And we talked, and caught up.

And one day, in the chat box, we talked about memories. And what-if's. And went farther than we probably should, but who can regret? We talked about what we WOULD do now, and I had the best orgasm I'd had in years.

In a chat box. Yes, like IM. Not even with voice involved. In a CHAT BOX.

[There was considerable hands-on action, too.]

I never knew that "masturbation" had a different flavor orgasm from intercourse and real-sex orgasms. But even THAT is getting me hot and bothered.

[And you wondered why it took me so long to write this post.]

Where did we go from there? Well, we're farther apart than ever geographically. We have had Chat-Box sex. Then we started phone sex. Oh, my God, I can climax just thinking about his voice. And what he says to me. How he's going to fuck me harder than I've ever been... In the right situation, it's amazing.

The dumb-ass hubs is INCAPABLE of talking dirty. I've asked him to, he can't. He can't have sex if he's talking at all. I pretty much never stop talking. I've done without for years, and it's so much better, if that's what you want, to GET WHAT YOU WANT.

This post is long enough. I'll get more detailed next time in what phone sex is and is not, and how it works for me. That's what we ponies do - TMI is the rule here!

So. Neither of us is happy in our marriage. Both of us are reluctant to leave because we have 6 children whose lives would be uprooted. Not ruined, but not easy. Neither of us is willing to hurt the ones we love most (our kids), or to be away from them for any length of time.

He's my fucking soul mate, and I can't have him.

ps: This post both made me extremely horny AND made me cry. I hope it fulfills the promises I've made! Because I don't think I can write it again.