One night stand

{written by: Carrie}

I apologize for my absense, (I know you've missed me) it's been a crazy ride the past couple weeks. And I wish I meant sexually. So I made the big move from Utah to Colorado 2 weeks ago and have been in bliss since the second I saw "Welcome to Colorful Colorado". Gosh I love this state. The good looking men are more plentiful, everyone is so creepily friendly, and I just... I donno.. fit in.

I love living with Jessica (even if sharing a room may one day be an obsticle when one of us brings a man home. I mean... when I bring a man home) We have 2 other roomies we found online who are pretty rad as well. Everything is just beautiful. Not that you care. You came here for the sex talk, right?

Wednesdsay night we had a roomies girls night and went out to get to know each other better. OH, I think we got to know each other alright. We went to this country bar (gag me) because it was ladies night and drinks were free (supposedly) We ended up having to pay for them which pissed me off, but that's another story. My roommate Monique kept handing me drinks so that made me happy.

I don't know why I've been slightly more insecure lately than normal. I guess it's a new market for me, and I'm no longer better than all the men in the club. When making conversation with random men who came up to me it really pissed me off when they asked, "are you mormon?" when I told them I was from Utah. I know it's a curse that comes with the location but I thought I moved AWAY from Utah so I could stop hearing that. At least they asked and didn't assume.

I was walking behind my friends when this fairly attractive man approached me and said, "do you know how to country dance?" Not wanting to pass up an opportunity I shrugged my shoulders and said, "kinda!" So we hit the dance floor and I was somewhat amused with him. First off I should make myself clear... I made a goal that night to get laid. I didn't necessarily care from who or how.. I just wanted to end this dreadful dry spell behind with the state. I don't think in normal circumstances I would have had much interest in this man.

Monique grabbed me afterwards and said, "moving on" and we went to scope out the rest of the men there. I like her game of getting them hooked then leaving them high and dry... but I couldn't help thinking "but---but he said I was pretty!"

As she handed me more drinks I became more and more insecure. No one else was showing me much attention next to my 2 gorgeous roommates so when they went to the restroom I snuck off to find "the man in the blue shirt who said I was pretty."

I found him within a few minutes sitting with his friend. I wish I could share with you more details of our conversation but I was so drunk I could no longer stand on my heels. I had a seat at the bar and began to flirt with him. He kept telling me how beautiful I looked and how he wanted to get to know me better. I liked the sound of it and gave him my number. Then he asked me if I wanted to go play guitar hero with him that night.

I know.. I know.. you're going to shake your head, but I'm that easy. I was like, "OMG I love guitar hero! Let's go!" Did I think about the fact that we had driven my car to the club? Did I think twice before I left with him after only sweeping the club once to find them? Did I think about the fact that my phone was IN my car? The answer to all of these is: NO. I wanted to get laid.

There was no guitar hero. There was a shot of vodka which I threw up over his balcony onto the neighbors'. We pretty much got right to it and I wish I had nitty gritty details about our sex but all I remember is he kept holding my head up and saying, "Carrie.. Carrie.. stay with me. Open your eyes" YA, that's how drunk I was. I remember the sex being enjoyable, I believe I was very..uh..vocal, but I don't remember ever reaching my climax. He kept saying to me, "Come with me baby, come with me now." I screamed, "NO! You are not going to come inside of me!" and he looked up at me and said, "aren't you on the pill?" I'm sorry but is it common for every chick to be on the pill? I thought that was a retarded assumption. But then again, he was bit of a retard himself.

I hate to admit this but I got bored after an hour or so. I don't know if it was because I was extreeeemely drunk and exhausted, or if it was because he wasn't that good of a lay. I don't remember when I fell asleep but I really hope it was in the middle of intercourse so he felt like a dumb ass.

I woke up the next morning confused as to where I was. When it hit me, I sprang up in bed "OH SHIT!" Did I really leave me roommates at the club without telling them where I was going?! I scrambled looking for my phone then realized I didn't have it with me. I don't know any of their numbers by heart and knew I was screwed. Then the retard wrapped his arm around me and said, "what's the matter baby?" I gagged, Oh ya.. him. He honestly reminds me of Seth Rogan from Knocked Up. NOT as attractive as I thought. He had a beer belly and really small penis. And I mean really small. Like.. I've seen (and met) penis's 3x as big. Seriously. It was a perfect definition of a chode. I could not believe I slept with THAT. No wonder it didn't feel that good! He didn't even have the potential to make me come!

Ugh I was even more disgusted when I realized I was 30 min. from home and he had to give me a ride. Thank goodness I left my keys with Jessica so they weren't stranded. He looked at me and said, "what, you don't like morning sex?" In any other circumstance with about any other man I would've responded differently.. but instead I said, "Uh.. no I need to get home."

He plugged my address into his GPS and I passed out on the drive home. Not before I sneakily deleted my number out of his phone. I woke up as we were getting closer and thanked the Lord. As soon as he stopped in front of my house I opened the door and got out. He stuttered.. "uh... I guess you'll call me right?" I slammed the door and walked inside immediately stepping into the shower.

Was losing my "born again virginity" worth it? Meh, it is what it is. I guess I got it out of my system now I can look for a more qualified candidate.