Men. Are. Idiots.

{written by Kat}

This just happened.

Nick

kat!

10:32pmKat

hi

10:32pmNick

hi

how are you

10:32pmKat

i have a concussion

10:33pmNick

oh really, how did that happen?

10:33pmKat

a guy dropped me on my head on the dance floor last night

10:35pmNick

well then

how you doing

10:35pmKat

in pain

10:35pmNick

i bet, so what is your deal?

whats new

10:36pmKat

trying to get a ride to walmart but everyone on facebook chat is "busy" OR actaully dont have a car

10:37pmNick

well i see

you in greeley

10:37pmKat

yep

10:38pmNick

we ever going to hang out again?

10:41pmKat

dunno

prolly not the best time to ask me

I sign off Facebook chat.

then

txt:  "why is now not the best time?" 11:01pm


reply: "Do you want the truth or do you want to back off now while you still can and say 'feel better'?" 11:03pm

txt: "truth" 11:05pm

reply: "Because i am in a fucking shit ton of pain and if i wasn't you don't ever want anything real from me other than to 'hangout' and if you did we don't live in the same city and if we did you haven't shown my any reason why I should trust you since trust is huge for me

" 11:09pm

txt: "ok then!" 11:13pm

txt: "ok, so what i can't want To hang out with you? and why have i ever given you a reason not To trust me?' 11:16pm

reply: "Seriously? Look at you right now. You are offended that I don't want to nurture a friendship right now where a Friend would ask or say 'sorry. let me know if i can do anything'" 11:18pm

txt: "Hey, i am not offended one bit. i don't think We are good friends or anything." 11:20pm

reply: "Well i don't know how you can let a friendship grow without trust so I think you are completely missing the point.  Good night." 11:24pm

Really? I mean REALLY!?

Who fucks with a woman who gave you fair warning?

I am ready to be un-concussed & throbbing in pain, un-cramped & bleeding, and un-single & etc.

My apologies

I'm sorry I don't really blog here anymore.
To be honest I don't know if this is me any longer.
I've figured out sex is a lot more serious than I've made it out to be the past several years. What sucks is being extremely fucking horny and not being able to do ANYTHING.ABOUT.IT.

I mean I've always had that sexual frustration but I think to myself, "OK Nicki you can go get B.O.B. out later and everything will be fine." then I sit back and relax again thinking, "Oh, that Nicki. She's so smart."
Well what happens when you are going through a certain recovery process in the female genital area and aren't allowed to *cough* and I quote "put anything in the vagina for at least 3-6 weeks" (and highlight).

Ugh. Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

lesbian question

{Written by: Francesca}

Being anonymous sucks in ways because I really have to plan my posts and can't just comment indiscriminately - I have to remember who I am at the moment! LOL

Let me tell you a story and y'all can decide if my friend is/was a lesbian and may have been hitting on me (or leading up to it). Because when I remember the situation, I wonder - which probably means I'm right. My gay-dar ain't great but I'm not STUPID.

Back in High School (MANY years ago, yes), I hung with the drama and music crowd. And one of the chicks would talk to me about how her problem with men was none of them really got her motor running, kwim? and i replied, MY problem is that they ALL do! (I was kinda boy-crazy but a late bloomer so they didn't reciprocate ... which is probably all for the best, not getting PG at 15 and whatnot.)

One day she came wandering by my house (which is really weird, she lived NOWHERE near us, and was on foot) and said she'd been out all day and asked me to feed her. So I made her two PB&Js. I got this vibe off her that I didn't know how to interpret, so I just went on like normal.

She hung out with me for a while but moved on, as friends do. I ran into her maybe 5 years later and she totally AVOIDED me, like if she WAS, she was worried that I knew, since I wasn't, and might TELL.

I would never tell; it's not my secret! and I would never mention her name, and since I'm anonymous nobody will ever guess. BUT I WONDER. what do YOU think?

my turn!

{Written by: Francesca}

We ALL love a poll, don't we?

1. Ever been to a male strip club?

YES! sadly there is NO penis flopping, and as everyone is limp, it's kinda tame.

2. Ever been to a female strip club?

No.

3. Ever been to a bar?

I refuse to answer on grounds this is a major lame question.

4. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?

No.

5. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?

No

6. Ever been so drunk you blacked out?

No. (This is getting BORING!)

7. Kissed someone of the same sex (no relatives):

YES! but just pop-kisses, no tongue.

8. Had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period?

I'm pretty sure no, but it's only because the second date didn't ask.

9. Had sex in a car?

Made a POINT of it!

10. Had sex in a park?

No.

11. Had sex in a movie theater?

No.

12. Had sex in a bathroom?

One Ex wanted to but I was timid then.

13. Had sex in a school?

YES.

14. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?

uh-huh - but I didn't buy anything. what was the MATTER with me???

15. Have you ever purchased items from adult store?

See #14

16. Have you spent over $100.00 in one visit to the adult store?

again see #14, lol!

17. Is there something you wish you could do while having sex?

swing from the chandelier? how am I supposed to answer this???

18. Is there someone you wished you would have had sex with?

Oh yeah.

19. Ever given oral sex or received?

Duh. Yes & yes.

20. Have you ever had a threesome?

Not YET.

21[a]. (GIRLS) Are your breasts real?

For now.

21[b]. (GUYS)Have you ever used viagra (or anything like it)?

n/a

22. Would you rather give or receive oral sex?

{Receive. Sorry, I'm selfish. (Me too!)}

23. Have you ever kissed a stranger?

Yes.

24. Have you ever had a one night stand?

Yes.

25. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

Yes, PLEASE!

26. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

No, but I flashed for pizza once... in my younger days.

27. Do you watch/read pornography?

Read erotica, which is a fancy (and slightly less forbidden) word for porn.

28. Have you ever been caught having sex?

um, yes

29. Have you ever had sex at work?

That would be NO

30. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

once... but I think we threw them away

31. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

No!

32. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

{Isn't this what the threesome question was for?}

33. Where is the craziest place you have had sex?

Under the boardwalk or in the sound booth at the high school, you tell me.

34. What is your favorite position?

Female dominant, of course.

35. Who is your naughtiness dream fuck?

I think I answered this with my last post... but Jeff Goldblum gets my motor revving.

Poll: B-O-B

{Written by: Francesca}


How do you add a poll? This is the low-tech version from your resident Old Lady.

I've realized that I am desperately in need of a vibrator of some sort (aka Battery-Operated-Boyfriend, or BOB).

There are so many styles! There's the fingertip vibrator (A).

There's the "ergonomic" or "curved to match yours" vibrator (B).

And then there's the good old anatomically correct - PLUS! vibrator (C).

Help save me from a life of sexual frustration! vote now!

Survey of Naughty :)

{Written by Bitten Usagi}

So yeah... I'm sorry dear readers and fellow bloggers that I am so full of fail lately. I just can NOT find a happy medium with school, work, and an internship right now. Plus this addiction to literary crack I am currently suffering from.
Thanks a lot Kat

So I figured since my brain is still recovering from the mind fuck of a midterm I took this morning (I'm pretty sure that thing is illegal it was so tortuous. Srsly) I will be a bum and fill out this lovely little survey that Kat found and promise to write about what I really want to but can't seem to manage at a later date. Which will hopefully be sooner than later.

So here we go!

Ever been to a male strip club?

No and I'm really not interested. Penis flopping around isn't a turn on. Give me some nicely home grown bouncing titties instead.

2. Ever been to a female strip club?

No. Not YET anyway.

3. Ever been to a bar?

Srsly? Hell yeah... too many probably.

4. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?

No. Well not by staff but I have had a boyfriend rush me out the door. Apparently I pissed off a friend when I made out with his gf in the bar in front of everyone. Ooops.

5. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?

No, but I was doing a LOT of leaning and woke up the next morning wondering why I was in someone else's clothes.

6. Ever been so drunk you blacked out?

Unfortunately. I hate to get this wasted but it has been known to happen. I despise missing parts of my night.

7. Kissed someone of the same sex (no relatives):

Oh yeah.

8. Had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period?

Ummm.... *thinking.... thinking.... thinking....* I can't remember for sure but sadly I'm thinking I have.

9. Had sex in a car?

Oh yeah. And on a car... Oh the hood of a Mustang....

10. Had sex in a park?

Nope.

11. Had sex in a movie theater?

Nope.

12. Had sex in a bathroom?

Only made out with earlier mentioned chick. It started there and moved to the middle of the bar.

13. Had sex in a school?

Nope.

14. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?

Honey I AM the adult store!

15. Have you ever purchased items from adult store?

See #14

16. Have you spent over $100.00 in one visit to the adult store?

Ha... again see #14 and I have spent well over $100 on myself at one time!

17. Is there something you wish you could do while having sex?

Not that I'm not already doing...

18. Is there someone you wished you would have had sex with?

Oh yeah.

19. Ever given oral sex or received?

Duh. Yes & yes.

20. Have you ever had a threesome?

Yes. Two actually and there is interest in more...

21[a]. (GIRLS) Are your breasts real?

Yes. Hence their leadership in the itty bitty titty committee.

21[b]. (GUYS)Have you ever used viagra (or anything like it)?

n/a

22. Would you rather give or receive oral sex?

Receive. Sorry, I'm selfish. (Me too!)

23. Have you ever kissed a stranger?

Yeah. >.<

24. Have you ever had a one night stand?

Yes.

*silence*
Ummmm... next question please...

25. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

I'm more of an afternoon and night kind of gal.

26. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

No. Not yet... gotta drop some more lbs before I work on my alternative modeling career.

27. Do you watch/read pornography?

Hell yeah.

28. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Bahaha. Oh yeah.

29. Have you ever had sex at work?

I wish. Sex on the bar would have been a blast.

30. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

Hehehe... Yeah.

31. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

Yes... & either they didn't notice or chose to ignore it. I was pretty pathetic at that point in my life so it's actually possibly it was the latter.

32. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

Isn't this what the threesome question was for?

33. Where is the craziest place you have had sex?

Ummm... really haven't done any crazy places, just lots of places.

34. What is your favorite position?

Doggy style.

35. Who is your naughtiness dream fuck?

Ummm... Since I'm married aren't they all naughty? *unsure* Or maybe the shear numbers of dream fucks is what's naughty... *shrugs*

So yeah there it is folks. Enjoy. ^w^

Wasted Wednesday...

{Written by Kat}

Last Wednesday I got D-runk.
It was the first time I had drank that much in about a year and a half!

Since I don't have very many good drunk stories,

I thought you might want me to share the night timeline with you!

It all started here:
8:05 PM Hello Beautiful =]

because I do LOVE me some quality tequila!

8:25 PM Some random guy here bought us a shot of top shelf tequila #Laurenrocks
8:33 PM It's official! I'm getting drunk tonight! #thisisararephenomenon

then we left the Palomino for Whiskey River bar

9:49 Broken #drunkypantscodewords
10:09 PM Apparently i'm a 'lush' tonight... & i'm okay with it! #drunktweet
10:11 PM Regreting tossing my water into the snow 10mins ago... Oops
10:14 PM 2 margs, 1 top shelf tequila shot, 1 tequila sunrise, 1 rumpunch & 2 ninja turtles!

RE @alexandriacadyh asking me how much I had so far

10:15 PM You are jealous of my #drunktweet skillz

RE @MormonBachPad: at least you're not slurring your typing, yet?

10:17 PM I'm on to h2o after this... At least for 30mins...

RE @alexandriacadyh asking me how much I had so far

then I got a lil flirtatious with @MormonBachPad:
Calvin: You should have a spotter. I'm on my way, Kat.
Me: You wish.
Calvin: Yes. Yes, I do
Me: I quote you on that
Calvin: As long as you do awesome air quotes.
Me: 'awesome air quotes' just for you
Calvin: I so want you right now.
Me:Yet you are Mormon and i'm in Colorado... Sucks to be you...
Calvin: It sucks to be me at least 4 days a week.
Me: and about the other 3?

Regular Tweet break: 10:49 PM Drunk tweeting at the bar is classic... #success 

Calvin: I'm pretty content the other 3.

-this is where I forget what we were tweeting about-

Me: but what does that mean?! Ugh... You have to remember my liquor content... Lol

(which was 2 more rum and punches)

Final round up:

11:26 PM Dear @BittenUsagi @alexandriacadyh & @MormonBachPad- i'm losing focus... Lol but also sorry ha!
11:51 PM D-runk is what I am #holycrap
12:14 AM I may or may not be being naughty right now -[I was flirting with an ex-friends ex-boyfriend, oops]
12:30 AM I can't believe myself... I haven't been like this in a year and a half!
12:42 AM Tonight's gunna be a bad night and a good night
12:50 AM First time being like this it a year and a half.... Accomplishment or not? #drunktweets1:14 AM People are so effin lame... But I insist on a great time #tipsytweets1:48 AM I apologise for my #drunkentweets tonight (Kinda) 2:05 AM Ridonkulous... I shall be embarrassed in the morning... 
2:11 AM Efffffph lol
2:13 AM fyi Lauren is BOMB.com & i love her 

After that we went home to Lauren's house.
Ate fruit loops.
A cute boy came over to chill.
Lauren & cute boy took her room.
I happily took the couch.
3am- I wake and run to bathroom
3:30- I run back to the backroom
4am- After round 3 in bathroom I fall asleep.

In the morning I woke to:
MormonBachPad: How are you feeling this morning? You sent me some pretty crazy texts that you probably don't even remember sending. 10:16 AM
alexandriacadyh:How are you feeling lovey doll? 11:00 AM

So I sent out:
"Helllo TweetWorld... Yes I'm alive. yes I remember everything... ha!"

It was a crazy night. It was totally worth the 24hr hangover, heh.
& I was told how funny it was to follow me on Twitter that night.
So I hope ya'll had fun reading... It will probably be a while before I get that drunk again. Ha.

xoxo Kat